JoePa's Doghouse

Basketball Coach Search: These Guys Stink!

sex and the city

What can this possibly have to do with Penn State basketball???

Last week, JoePa’s Doghouse reached out to Tim Curley with several suggestions for his basketball coaching search.  Lo and behold, we come to find out that he is already conducting interviews for the vacant position.  Much to our dismay, none of our choices have been so much as contacted.

Matt Doherty?  Nope.

Geno Auriemma?  Take a hike.

Hot Shot Big East Assistant?  As if. 

Not even a Penn State alumnus who played for his sport’s winningest coach.  As of this writing, Gus Felder has not even been declared a candidate. 

When asked to comment, Tim Curley said, “We’re not going to hire a ‘big-name.’  Besides, I’m not too good at spelling.”

So, the only natural reaction is to bash the names being brandied about…

Rob Jeter, Wisconsin-Milwaukee head coach

Connection to Penn State:
Coached at Wisconsin, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, and Wisconsin-Platteville.  Maybe he should start at PSU-Worthington, PSU-Mont Alto before the main campus…

No Thanks:
“Rob Jeter” sounds more like a Bronx criminal’s bucket list than a basketball coach.

Pat Chambers, Boston University head coach

chamber of secrets

How do you say "We Are Penn State" in parseltongue?

Connection to Penn State:
Chambers Building, home to the College of Education

No Thanks:
Do we really want to open the “Chambers” of Secrets?  All this guy did was enchant Ginny Weasley, summon a basilisk, and oh yeah, he’s Tom Riddle!  The next Penn State coach should be recruiting teenagers, not be consistently outsmarted by them.

Pat Flannery, former Bucknell head coach

Connection to Penn State:
Tim Curley sees the word “buck” on his resume and his heart skips a beat.  Whether it means Flannery can be had for a buck or he worships the almighty dollar, Curley might have found his man. 

No Thanks:
Flannery is 0-2 against Ed DeChellis.

Ron Everhart, Duquesne head coach

duquesne pilsner

Connection to Penn State:
He has that distinct “defeated Penn State basketball coach” look.  Go ahead, google him.  He looks like Chris Noth would if he actually had to wake up next to Carrie Bradshaw every morning.

No Thanks:
Duquesne basketball is like Duquesne Pilsner.  It’s ok if there’s no Iron City, but that’s about it.

Scott Pera, Arizona State assistant

Connection to Penn State:
The Underdogs has been touting this guy for a while. 

No Thanks:
If there’s a surname as pun-ready as Pera, the world is in for a lot of trouble.  J. Schnauzer and I will be hemorrhaging Twitter followers by the joke.  One quick freebie- “Did our coach commit a recruiting violation?”  “Nope, it was Pera-legal.”

Jeff Boals, Ohio State assistant

Connection to Penn State:
The town south of State College is named Boalsburg.  Presumably, Jeff Boals would lock it down the same way Ed DeChellis owned basketball hotbeds like Blairsville and southern Finland.

No Thanks:
The Buckeye stench does not wash away easily.

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Of all the doghouses in all the towns in all the world, you walked into Rowlff Dogg's.
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