JoePa's Doghouse

2012 Preview: Conference Predictions (We Hope)

the usual suspects
"And like that, poof. He's gone."

I don't need to remind anyone that we're not living in an ideal world.  Mark Emmert exists.  The Pirates can't escape the 1st inning without trailing.  And Step by Step still isn't out on DVD.  Life is far short of perfect.

Then along comes college football.  For everyone not wearing blue and white, hope springs eternal.  But why should fun be exclusive to universities that aren't gripped by a "football-first" culture???  We have something to root for, after all.  You can strip our wins, but you cannot vacate hate.


East-  Missouri
West-  Texas A&M

Champ-  Missouri

A team that hasn’t won a league title since the Nixon administration comes into the world’s most unforgiving assemblage of titans.  To claim that title, the Tigers will have to beat 9 Top Ten teams; in other words, all of its $EC opponents.

Big Ten

Leaders-  Anyone but Wisconsin
Legends-  Anyone but Michigan

Champ-  No one

Any conference that fosters a “football first” mentality ought to be stoned in public.  Now, if you want to treat college football like a religion, then all bets are off (see media’s slobbering over the $EC).  I just hope that someday, the Big Ten can match the $EC in akademix and gradjooashun raytes.


Coastal-  Someone who is in this division
Atlantic-  Someone who is in this division

Champ-  Not NC State or Boston College

College football is my favorite sport by far.  So, why is it so hard for me to remember what teams are in which ACC division?  Just don’t let either NC State or Boston College get into the title game.  Now that Penn State has an actual coaching staff, those are the 2 most boring teams in college football.


Champ-  West Virginia

Another example of “Gee, this conference isn’t as tough as we thought it would be.”  Besides, if Missouri and Texas A&M win the mighty $EC, the four-letter network would have to gush about the strength of the Big XII.  Nothing would shoot that down faster than a former Big East team winning the title.  Oh, and shutting up Texas and Oklahoma would be pretty nice too.


North-  Washington State
South-  UCLA

Champ-  Washington State

It would be fantastic to see cross-town rival UCLA wipe the smirk off Lane Kiffin’s silver-spoon-fed mouth.  Wazzu has Mike Leach.  Swing your sword, baby!

Big East

Champ-  Temple

What could be more embarrassing for the Big Least than having the team it booted in 2004 win the league in its first year back?

Mountain West

Champ-  Wyoming

The Cowboys need to become a national power for one reason: their uniforms.  Imagine what Nike’s Pro Combat staff of laid off NASA workers could do with the hideous combination of scat brown and urine yellow.

Conference USA

East-  East Carolina
West-  SMU

Champ-  SMU

Southern Methodist has the chance to prove that NCAA sanctions aren’t the end of the world.  Of course, their penalties were based on cheating that gave them an unfair advantage on the playing field.  None of the bold italicized words apply to Penn State.  Still, if SMU can win a league title 25+ years after its Death Penalty, us Penn Staters have something to look forward to in our twilight years.  Besides, 1 conference championship in 25 years isn’t a much worse frequency than the 3 titles PSU has won in 19 unsanctioned Big Ten years.


East-  Buffalo
West-  Northern Illinois

Champ-  Buffalo

Buffalo winning the east would be great because they’re not from Ohio.  The same logic applies to Northern Illinois not being from Michigan or Indiana.  Really, who cares?  Just give me college football to watch on a Tuesday and I’m tickled pink.


Champ-  Not Idaho

I have always complained about Penn State’s non-conference scheduling.  Until we get a qualified (read: outside hire) AD, I will continue to complain about it.  However, I understand the next few years are not the most desirable time to take on all comers.  Therefore, I have no problem shuffling the schedules to include some more creampuffs.  Just give us something different than the usual Akron, Youngstown, Temple crap.  Maybe if Idaho stinks bad enough, it will get our attention.  How great would a 2-for-1 be with the Vandals?  The Kibbie Dome has always been one venue I have secretly hoped to attend a game in.  With a capacity of only 16,000, it’ll be like seeing a Pitt game in Heinz Field

Sun Belt

Champ-  South Alabama

Presumably a team that gladly accepts Nick Saban’s oversigning casualties, I’d love to hear the Jaguars players chant “$EC! $EC! $EC!” after winning the conference.

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Of all the doghouses in all the towns in all the world, you walked into Rowlff Dogg's.
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