JoePa's Doghouse
26Aug/130

2013 All-Runco Team

animal house

In college, everyone had that one friend who you knew would never graduate. I’m not talking drop-out here. I mean that professional student type. Kinda like Van Wilder. Only funny.

The All-Runco Team is an annual celebration of the college athlete-students who keep postponing their graduation for the sake of our entertainment. JoePa’s Doghouse would like to thank the following players for their years and years and years and years of solid play on the gridiron, and apparently, not-so-stellar work on getting that diploma.

Nathan Scheelhaase (Illinois QB)
Nathan is so old that when he was born, there were apparently only 2 vowels.

Prince Shembo (Notre Dame LB)
I’m not saying that Prince is old or anything, but he was on campus when the lyric “Be my queen if you know what I mean and let’s go do the Wild Thing” was all you needed to pick up a St Mary’s coed. Well, that and a forklift.

Jared Abbrederis (Wisconsin WR)
This guy has been around so long that no one has trouble spelling his name anymore. Even more so now that lunkhead Bielema is gone too.

AJ McCarron (Alabama QB)
Back when he was named “Greg McElroy,” Alabama wasn’t yet the best team money could buy. No one minded McElroy because Bama Fatigue hadn’t set in. Now that it’s “Bama this and Bama that,” McCarron is going to have to find another Irish surname so he can keep playing quarterback for the Tide next spring.

Trey Burton (Florida everything)
Burton has lined up at more positions, it could make one’s head spin. That’s probably how he’s managed to stay in college for so long. Burton has the unique distinction of being the only person tabbed as the next Chris Leak, the next Fred Taylor, the next Ike Hilliard, and the next Ben Troupe.

Craig Loston (LSU S)
Craig Loston? More like academics must’ve been “lost on” Craig. How else can you explain spending seemingly nine years in the bayou? His distinction as the #1 safety coming out of high school feels rather insignificant since double-digit numbers hadn’t been invented yet.

Morgan Moses (Virginia LT)
You can’t tell me that this isn’t Eugene Monroe. Seriously, how dumb does Virginia think we are?

Garrett Gilbert (SMU QB)
Remember that highly touted freshman who almost led Texas to a comeback over Alabama in the BCS Championship? Me neither. I was too busy uploading my Friendster page to my Verizon Chocolate phone.

Tom Savage (Pitt QB)
Question: Tom Savage, Tate Forcier, and Gunner Kiel are in a sinking boat. Who do you throw overboard to lighten the load?
Answer: No one. Just dump out all the college pamphlets.

Number Twenty-Five (Southern Cal RB)
This guy has done it all. He was recruited by a now deceased legendary coach. He has sullied the great Curt Warner’s jersey. He was signed as a free agent by a coach who is three years YOUNGER than the rapper who recruited him to the left coast. If you believe everything that’s on the internet, #25 has become the first player to attend “both” Linebacker Us. It’s just too bad no one told him USC is actually “Tailback U” because he will be starting 2013 backing the tail of sophomores and freshmen.


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About Rowlff Dogg

Of all the doghouses in all the towns in all the world, you walked into Rowlff Dogg's.
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