JoePa's Doghouse
5Sep/131

Blue-White Roundtable: Eastern Michigan

syracuse

Charlie Batch ain’t walking through that door!

Now that we’ve all had our Vitamin C courtesy of the Orangemen*, it’s time to feast on a nice MAC cupcake.

*- Shut up. They’re the Orangemen.

Someone we’d never tell to shut up, Adam from Black Shoe Diaries has some more questions for us to feast on. Be sure to head on over to BSD later this week for a “greatest hits” of sorts. In the meantime, check out what these peeps are saying:

Victory Bell Rings
Nittany Lions Den
Black Shoe Diaries
The 50-Yard Lion

Follow the jump to read us doggs’ thoughts…

4Sep/130

What if the Paternos Got Hackenberg?

mr happy

Nothing but happy times ahead!

It is hard not to get excited over Christian Hackenberg’s performance in his first collegiate game.  The highly touted freshman already had sky-high expectations and his debut did nothing to lessen them.  I, for one, cannot wait to see what Bill O’Brien can do with this kid in a few years.

But what would have happened if the Paternos got a hold of Hackenberg?  First, one would have to assume that Hackenberg would want to play under the tutelage of Jay Paterno.  Secondly, one would have to assume that Joe would have made the effort to secure and maintain Hackenberg’s commitment.  That is some heavy suspension of belief, my friends.

Let’s make those bold assumptions and dip into fantasy world for a moment, shall we?

30Aug/130

JPDH’s Hot Take Insider Guide to Your Fantasy Football Draft!

<3 <3 <3!

Despite Rowlff's excellent take on Fantasy Football, we must acknowledge that you have probably been sucked into a fantasy football league due to a conversation similar to this one:

Friend: "Dude, do you want to play fantasy football?"

You: "Umm... I really just want to watch NFL football without having to worry about that now."

Friend: "C'mon, I really need a 14th person to make a complete league, and if we don't get one the entire league will collapse and everyone will hate you for the rest of your life."

You: (defeatedly) "Yeah... OK, whatever, I guess. What's the password?"

So now you sit with a date and time to randomly pick guys in colorful jerseys and slot them into random positions. Initially ambivalent, you now wish to dominate your friends, wrest the commissioner's spot after a first place finish, and then conveniently forget to re-start the league in 2014.

I know what you're thinking: "What do I do, JoePa's Doghouse? How do I get the inside edge to dismantle the league like Napoleon dismantled the Holy Roman Empire?" We are offering you an exclusive, surefire way to dominate your league, mock your friends, and bring back the simplicity of watching football for the sake of football through our Fantasy Football Draft Guide!

We are offering the top 10 fantasy picks at no cost to you. For our comprehensive guide of the top 6,320,931 fantasy picks, just send MM15.99 (Matt McCoin's, the only legal tender in The Doghouse!) plus shipping and handling to JPDH, 239 Joepasdoghouse Drive, Studio City, CA 90210. You'll get the insider information you so, so, so desperately crave.

JPDH'S TOP 10 HOT TAKE INSIDER GUIDE PICKS!

1st Pick-Isaako Aaitui (NT-New Orleans).

One of my favorite sports books is "Loose Balls," a historical review of the American Basketball Association. The best draft-related story concerns the Dallas Chaparrals in the first ABA draft. The owner of the Chaparrals went to the draft with a list of players provided by the coach. He called the Chaparrals' coach that evening triumphantly, stating that he got "all of the guys we wanted."

The coach fumed, "that wasn't a talent list--that was a list of players in alphabetical order!" The first player drafted by the Chaparrals was Matt Aitch. The second round pick was Jim Burns, and so on.

Fast forward 45 years, and those Dallas Chaparrals are now the San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs have been a standardbearer of greatness for decades, with 4 Championships, 5 Conference titles, and 19 division titles in their history.  As a fantasy football owner, you want your team to have a similar foundation for greatness. Correspondingly, your first pick should be alphabetical. Picking Aaitui will shock and stun your fellow draftheads, but it's the smart move.

2nd Pick-Tim Tebow (QB-New England).

In the past three seasons, Tim Tebow has featured in our top ten a remarkable seven times. This is an "edge" pick--meaning by drafting Tebow you have gained an edge on your opponents. Everyone is concerned about the statistics you can measure, but how about those statistics you can't measure? In our opinion, no one has greater "immeasureables" than Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow is the best player in the NFL when you factor in things like heart, sticktuitiveness, heart, gut-knowledge, ESPN-speak and heart. Get that edge and pick the guy who can lead you to a fantasy football victory on sheer will.

30Aug/131

My Fantasy Football Season

robot chicken

No more NCAA...that would be so cool

I don’t play fantasy football.  In fact, I hate it.  It’s somewhere between soccer and Bethany Frankel on my list of things I wish would go away.  Just because I don’t desecrate the great game of football by turning it into a Dungeons & Dragons numbers game; that doesn’t mean I lack a fantastic vision.

So, football gods, I’m just sitting here, typing away on my computer.  Getting sleepy.  So tired…  Thinking about college football…  And what I’d like to see happen this year…  Hehehe…  Hmmm, that would be so cool…

Cue Robot Chicken dream sequence…

29Aug/130

Blue-White Roundtable: Syracuse

syracuse

Another repeat non-conference opponent. Only this time, it's in a boring NFL stadium!

It’s here, it’s here. By god, college football is finally here!!!

The doggs may be swept up in pennant fever, but there’s nothing like a new Penn State season to get the blood flowing and the emotions cranked up.

Back as always is good ol Adam from Black Shoe Diaries with a fresh batch of questions. Be sure to head on over to BSD later this week for a “greatest hits” of sorts. In the meantime, check out what these peeps are saying:

Victory Bell Rings
Nittany Lions Den
Black Shoe Diaries
The 50-Yard Lion

Follow the jump to read us doggs’ thoughts…

28Aug/133

2013 Predictions with a Side of Hatred

college football predictions

I see...a lot of dumb predictions

Another football season is upon us.  That can only mean one thing- time for me to make myself look like an idiot.

26Aug/130

Look Who’s Back

Following the lead of J Schnauzer, I too feel like I am hitting a button.  Unlike the Schnauz, I’m clicking the refresh, not the reset.  The past few months have been very hectic.  Fortunately, they have also been very productive.  With the college football season about to kick off, I feel like I finally have all my ducks in a row and can give in to the writing bug that has been nibbling at me for months.

26Aug/130

2013 All-Runco Team

animal house

In college, everyone had that one friend who you knew would never graduate. I’m not talking drop-out here. I mean that professional student type. Kinda like Van Wilder. Only funny.

The All-Runco Team is an annual celebration of the college athlete-students who keep postponing their graduation for the sake of our entertainment. JoePa’s Doghouse would like to thank the following players for their years and years and years and years of solid play on the gridiron, and apparently, not-so-stellar work on getting that diploma.

25Aug/131

Hitting the Reset Button.

CC License: tranchis

It's been smshshmshsmsh months since my last post, so what few dedicated followers we have deserve an apology.

Firstly, thank you for following us as I took a bit of a break from JPDH posts. It is not fair to slack on content as a football season progresses. Last fall I was in a job that required me to work on Saturdays. A job which largely consisted of me covering my ears while Ohio State fans alternated between celebrating their achievements and whining about their bowl ban. Eighteen months in Ohio has only solidified my belief that Buckeye fans are an insufferable lot.

4Mar/130

Requiem for a Tailgate?

pellagate

Early March seems like a good time for the first post of 2013, eh?

Truth be told, things have been very hectic in the Doghouse lately.  Not so much from a blog standpoint, but in a real life standpoint.

A few weeks ago, Mrs Rowlff Dogg landed a big promotion that is moving us to enemy territory.  Michigan to be exact.  We will be joining the likes of @PSUMatt2005 and @DAWalenga in the Penn State takeover of The Great Lakes State.